i suppose i should post some sort of positive post on here. but as seen with my other blog, i’m not very positive when it comes to this type of thing. i feel like it’s the only place i can really say stuff that bothers me. oh well.

this is no such positive post. sorry. not like anyone’s reading this anyhow. other than you, megan.

i don’t really know what people think of me. i know that a lot of people are scared of me because i have anger problems. i’m really tough on the outside, but once you get to know me, i’m not all that bad. i guess you could say i’m kind of like an orange. i’m really tough and sour on the outside. sometimes i can be sweet on the inside, but not always. i still have a bit of thick skin once you get past the rough parts, but on the inside, i’m all watery. i’m a bit tangled up, yeah, but i guess that’s what makes me different. i have problems. mine may be a bit more extreme than other people’s, but they still exist.

sometimes i really just feel like telling the truth. flat out. but i know the damage it would cause on a lot of my relationships. i’ve done it before and ruined so many. sometimes i just don’t think. actually, a lot of the time. and people tend to take that the wrong way. when i try to redeem myself, they don’t understand.

i’ve been broken a few too many times. i’m an extremely emotional person. to the point of disaster, almost. someone that doesn’t know me well would never think so. i’m just that angry “emo” girl, “music” girl, “girl that wears too much eyeliner”, or the “girl that acts like she’s high randomly”. i’m used to it. as i said to a friend a couple days ago, i’m used to being the one left out of the group. i don’t like it at all, but i’m used to it. i’m used to being the third wheel. i don’t like that either. but once you’re that one person in the group for so long, you learn to just live with it. i don’t speak out against it very often because most of the time, people don’t know how to react. “i’m sorry” just doesn’t cut it and most people know that. “we’ll try to include you next time” just leads to a hang out session of awkward silences. i don’t know how to be part of “the group” because i’ve never really ever been part of it. i’m the one in class when the teacher puts you with 2 or 3 other people that i don’t know too well that sits in the back of the group and doesn’t give much feedback unless i’m asked for it. i’m not complaining. i’m not saying i want to be a part of “that group”.

because if i was, i don’t know how i would behave.